After the awakening came the purge
You don’t realize how much you stuff away until you take a step back
Years telling yourself it looks fine, masking it, cleaning it… but just on the surface
Then one day you look around, things are piled up so high there’s no room for it anymore
Its spilling over into your main rooms, rooms where people can see, where people can judge
Your anxiety is always high
Most of the time you blame lack of time, the kids, husband not helping…..
But all this time it was a reflection of you
You wanted all your problems to go away so the more you drank
The alcohol kept telling you everything is ok. It acted as your mask.
It didn’t matter how much surface cleaning you did, you felt every spec of failure.
So, you start cleaning from the inside out.
You start room by room, one day at a time.
You go in, close the door and start cleaning.
You ask for help when needed and when you are done
You walk out of that room so proud only to turn around and notice the
other rooms that are messy.
But just for now you sit here
And stare at the clean room, appreciate how messy it was and how hard it was to clean it.
It’s time to tackle the next one. Eventually everything will get cleaned out, the old rooms may get messy again but this time around you have a better understanding on how to clean it out, care for it and tend to it……sober